yesterday broke my heart. when you have so little it's amazing what a bit of dream means to you. blessed are the poor in spirit... sing, oh barren woman, sing... blessed are the ones who love Me but have yet to see... their dreams fulfilled, their hopes redeemed, their precious faith revealed... yesterday broke my heart - but today, I find that I am breathing... and more. :) laughing, singing, being to the glory of His name... we have so little of His heart, so little of His mind, and in that every moment is precious beyond our understanding. so blessed are we, who have so little of our dreams in our hands, so little of our hopes within our grasp - for so great is our God that we may see Him working miracles among us... strumming a haunting tune that captivates the barren woman's voice... tickling the taut ribs of orphans long neglected... taking my weeping soul and binding it up in perfect love... to hear Him say, over the accusations from inside my head, He's happy that I took the chance... it wasn't the end result that mattered at all. just the courage... yesterday broke my heart, because I thought I had failed, because the thought that comes in varying shades of circumstance once again taunted me - I am not enough, I will always be passed over, passed by... my focus was completely askew :) I never take chances, I never let my heart be broken. in so many ways, I fear I am too frail to handle heartache, so I don't let myself that close to it. I never want something so badly that I've hemmed myself in and cannot wiggle free. I thought I failed because of my broken heart. when, couldn't it be that that was the success He was after...? :) funny that a loving God could celebrate the broken heart. or is it so strange at all? I am once again where my heart would not let me go because it feared the unknown, and yet I stand undefeated, laughing at the days to come. and what of them? shouldn't I be asking what of today? what have I made of today? instead of what I will make of all my tomorrows... because I am blessed today to have so little and want so much - because in that waits the mystery of the glory of God to be revealed...

happy night.